Thursday, June 30, 2005

When to Say When

Today's the day. I'm telling The Bartender I don't want to date him anymore. He's a good guy and I'm sure he will make some girl very happy, but That Girl is not me. I've never been in this position, really. I mean, I did end it with Car Guy, but after all that stuff about me not being hot enough, it was very easy to say "I don't want to date you anymore." With The Bartender, it's more like "you really just don't do it for me," and no one wants to hear that. (I promise I'll be nicer about it when I actually tell him.) But he doesn't do it for me, he's not what I want.

It's hard to tell anyone things you know they are not going to enjoy hearing. It's a little easier to do with friends and family than it is with a significant other. Family is bound by blood to you, so no matter what you say or do, they're going to have to deal with it and move on and you will all still be related and interconnected. Friends are a bit tougher, they don't like to hear that you aren't tops with them for whatever reason, but at least you can either fix it and still be friends, or go your separate ways without too much emotional scarring. Romantic relationships are something altogether different. Someone is getting their heart broken. And I really, really don't want to be the one to do the breaking.

But like it or not, I've gotta do it. It's time to say "when."

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Always the Bridesmaid

Another Saturday in June, another pretty bride, another lucky groom, and me in another blue dress. I was a bridesmaid for the fourth time this weekend up in Massachusetts. It was one of the MOST enjoyable wedding experiences I’ve ever had, and the bride (and her family) were an absolute dream.

After last year’s incident as the maid of honor to Bridezilla, I vowed never to be in another wedding if I had ANY apprehension over how the bride might behave. When my friend Coolia asked me to be in her wedding, I was pretty confident things would be calm, and I really liked both she and her fiance, The Fourth. I had no problem saying yes to the request. Coolia turned out to be an even more wonderful bride than I expected. The wedding went very smoothly, we all had a maximum amount of fun with a minimal amount of stress. And it was just nice to be involved in the marriage of two such well-suited, happy people.

At this point in my life, I do prefer being 'always the bridesmaid.' But there was something about this wedding in particular which made me realize that someday, I'll really enjoy being the bride. Coolia and The Fourth give me hope that someone who complements me is out there. After witnessing this marriage, I have more faith that someone who I love to be with, who I love to talk with, who likes to play outside with me, who likes to see me happy, who likes to dance with me and share other fun things with in life is out there. I have more faith that there is someone who will stand by me through all the crap and the rough stuff, too, and who I’ll want to support and help out when things aren’t going so well.

Coolia and The Fourth aren’t perfect, but they both know this about each other, and they accept it and they love each other no matter what. They are both very lucky people. I’m so glad I was able to be a part of that union last weekend, and I hope I get to be in their shoes one day. I'm now thinking I'll be very excited about being Someday The Bride.

Ten Things I Like About Me

I got a cup of tea from the Evil Empire across the street. The cup has little quotes on it. Usually I don't even notice them but today I read the one printed on the cup. It's by Deepak Chopra.

"The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe."

So on that note, I decided that there's a lot about me that I really, really like. And there are a lot of times when I can't remember a single thing about myself I like at all. Now is not one of those times, so for future reference, I'm outlining some of the reasons in case I need a refresher.

Ten Things I Like About Me

1. I am a good friend, according to every single one that I have.
2. I can do anything. Maybe not all by myself, but if that's the case, I know when to ask for help and in the end, I get it done.
3. I lost 30 pounds eighteen months ago, and I've kept the weight off since then.
4. I can learn things quickly, whether it's how to make killer chocolate chip cookies, how to drive a stick-shift car or how to start an entirely new career.
5. I'm innovative. Not in the "I'm-going-to-design-the-space-shuttle" sense, more like the "let's-put-all-the-paper-next-to-the-copier-instead-of-in-a-closet-down-the-hall" sense.
6. I'm in good shape. Thanks to Hot Bill and all my efforts through him, I have pretty decent muscles, and I'm a competitive triathlete!
7. I really enjoy life. Even the bad stuff, I just learn from it for the next time. But over all, I feel like I really live my life, and that's a great quality in anyone.
8. I have great hair. This is mostly due to the magic of Spencer at Studio 305.
9. I have lovely blue eyes, courtesy of Mom and Dad.
10. I'm an optimist. I like this quality in myself. I have my down days, but overall, the glass is half full and I see things through rose-colored glasses, and I like that I'm like that!

So there they are.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Enjoy the Love

Why is it that we are always questioning why someone would *actually* like us that much? I mean, let's think about it. We know we're cool. We think we're cute, smart, funny, athletic, well-groomed, well-mannered, well-whatever. Why does it freak us out so much when someone else thinks that we're all that, too?

I won't lie, I think I'm Pretty Darned Cool. I love my life, I have a great family, good friends, a fun job that pays well, and I'm even an award winning triathlete (ha ha ha - I had to say it). But even though I know I've got all this going for me, I still have a hard time believing I'm as cool as Mr. Colorado or Searcher or Mr. Bartender or Car Guy or The Mack - or WHOEVER - thinks I am! I mean, I'm cool, yes, but how can they think I'm *that* cool?

The better question is, why can't we just let them be the judge of how cool we are? And then if they think we're so great, why can't we just leave it alone and agree that 'yes, I am that wonderful, so go ahead and enjoy me!' I think it's so tough to let people enjoy how cool they think we are because we know we aren't perfect. But generally, neither is the other person, and we still think they're cool, too. So what's the harm in some mutual admiration? I know I'm lovable, as is every human. We've got to stop sabotaging other people's efforts to love us and just let them go ahead and do so. It's the only way to enjoy the love.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I Had to Tri It

I had been thinking about doing a triathlon, but I never quite got the motivation to sign up for one. I found my motivation in a 5 second window, while on the phone with my mother. We were discussing whether I could have their truck for the summer or not. I told them I'd be down in Florida the weekend of June 4th ane that I wanted to take it with me to the ATL for the summer. My mom and dad spend their summers up north, leaving the truck to collect dust in the garage from May to September down in Florida.

Enter the motivation: my mom says "June 4th - that's the weekend your brother is doing the triathlon."

SLUG BROTHER? Doing a triathlon? What is this nonsense coming from my mother's mouth? She must be mistaken! But no, Mother assured me that Slug Brother had been training for months for it, and he was always exhausted because of it. I tell her I believe she's got it wrong. Slug Brother can only get up before noon for surfing, fishing, or snow skiing - none of which were the swim/bike/run components of a triathlon. [I hear he gets up early for work, but I know they have to pay him a lot of money to do this.] Training for a race like this did not seem to fall into the mix of fun in Slug Brother's life. But... if my mother was correct (and she always is), then I wanted the opportunity to kick Slug Brother's behind!

I got the OK from my parents to steal the truck for the summer, and I immediately hung up with them and called Slug Brother to ask him about this triathlon. Sure enough, he and 4 of his dear friends (who are just like little brothers to me) were going to do the Dunedin Beach Triathlon. I'm in shock, but getting more excited by the minute. This is like Christmas! I can't stand the excitement! I ask him if it's OK if I do it too. He says yes, and that his goal now is to beat me. I can't believe Slug didn't call me about this before I found out from Mom. But it's all good, by the end of the conversation, Slug Brother and I were buzzing with the energy and the chance to do this together.

Well, I put myself into a Blitzkreig training regime to make sure I'd be able to finish the race. I decided to go to spin classes, since I didn't have my bike with me in Atlanta. I followed the spin classes with a run, to prep for the whole bike-to-run transition. I'd already been swimming pretty regularly, I just added an extra swim to the weekly workouts. I wasn't worried about the swim, especially since it was the first event you do. I was worried about the run. I'd be tired by that point in the race, and my knee had been giving me some trouble. But as I was training, I felt I'd be able to finish the race. I decided that would be my goal - just to finish.

Race morning arrived after a week of rain in Florida. The clear dawn on Sunday June 5th was a welcome sight. It was going to be a beautiful day. (Watch out Lizzard, you're sounding like Nicholas Sparks. Hm, I have been watching The Notebook a lot lately.) Anyhow, the drive to the beach was awesome. It was 6:30AM and I was heading over the causeway, part of a long line of cars with bikes thrown in the back. If I wasn't excited enough, seeing this really got me going! Parking was a breeze and I ended up near my brother. There were hundreds of people around. We walked up to the action as the DJ was blaring that Big-N-Rich song about saddling up your horse and riding into the city - that song makes me feel somewhat bulletproof. Good choice, Mr. DJ! I picked up my race packet, a swim cap, and got my number written on and my timing chip attached.

Slug Brother quickly found The Mack, who turned out to be the only one of his friends who actually did the triathlon with us. The other 3 yahoos bailed. (They are the true Slugs, I suppose.) Slug Brother and The Mack knew a few other random guys there, too. I met some great folks who helped me at the start. We all walked over to the swim start area together. Slug was getting a little intimidated watching the current - it seemed we'd be doing the swim against it. I told him not to worry, that it was the first leg and it would be over before we knew it. Slug turns to me and says, "My goal is to beat you." I grinned and said "knock yourself out! My goal is to FINISH!" Then I left he and The Mack, walking over to congregate with the other blue-swim capped ladies.

I hopped in the water with my age group wave, and the gun went off and we swam like hell! I spent most of the time trying not to get kicked, or at least trying not to kick anyone else. It seemed like I'd been in the water for only a few seconds when we were all running out of the water to the transition area to hop on our bikes. Mr DJ, doing a great job, was playing Queen's "Bicycle" song - a double motivation for me, as 'get on your bikes and RIDE' used to be our cue in a race to really put in our all! So off I went, riding riding riding. I was having the best time! 2 laps around the 6 mile course and I hopped off to start the run. I thought I might be tired, but I ran anyhow. I was tired. Damn, I was really tired! But I kept going. My knee started bothering me and I ran anyhow. Then my knee REALLY started yelling at me to give it a rest, so I walked. From that point, I ran and walked intermittently for the last mile of the race. I was so tired. BUT, I could see the finish, and I knew I'd make it, so I started running and didn't stop until I got there.

I ended up finishing with a time of 1:39:37, a 5th place finish in my division! Slug Brother managed to beat me, he finished in 1:29:16, and The Mack beat us both with a time of 1:20:32. The Mack was shocked at my performance. I was, too, but I was thrilled! All of us were so excited about the race. We had a great time, and we're going to do it again next year. I'm even going to do another one here in Georgia at the end of the summer. I am hooked on it. That was the most fun I've had in a long time.

As it turns out, I did even better than we thought - I started in the wrong swim wave, behind the one I was supposed to be in. My swim time and my overall race time was actually 7 minutes faster, I finished in 1:32:37. It didn't change my standings in the division, but it did put me at 1st place for the swim leg. It also meant that my brother beat me by only 3 minutes. I haven't told him this. I'm going to train like MAD and beat the Speedo off him next year!