full moon 4th of July

Almost 3 months since the last post. Still COVID pandemic. I got on a plane. Not for defiance or spite or to feel like life is normal - it's not - but because my family needed me and truth be told, I needed them.

Flying in the pandemic is - fine. Everyone was masked, here on the Colorado side. Honestly, in the airport the only thing I *had* to touch was the door to the bathroom stall, no problem since you can wash your hands immediately after. On the plane, I had to touch the seatbelt, the armrests and the airflow thing - all of which I wiped down immediately upon getting to my seat. Then upon landing in Florida, no need to touch anything there either, thank goodness as mask usage was pretty much nil. I changed my clothes in the bathroom before my mom picked me up, washed my hands and went on my merry way. 

It was a hard, weird and wonderful week down there. It was not vacation, it was logistics planning and support operations for the hard things my mom needs to handle. She's been doing an excellent job, but everyone needs a little support sometimes. Honestly it's a testament to how well my mom is doing, because she can do what she did for so long. I was also working my actual job during the days. We got one estate settled and planned out all we needed to get Grandma home. She's now got a chair lift for her stairs, the bars and shower seat were already installed in the bathroom, and no more driving. This is as good as it's gonna get, so sister is going to escort her home after Baby J's birthday. We were exhausted by the time the weekend came, and we almost didn't take up my brother's offer to go out on the boat for a few hours. Thank goodness we did that. It really made things OK. 

Fast forward a week to me back in Denver. Leaving FL is always difficult for me. But so is being away from Mr. Steak Dinner and Dober Love. I was so happy to be back HOME with them. There is so much angst and unrest over the state of things - everything - COVID, racial injustice and our varying degrees of admitting it, accepting it, and acting to change it. COVID has really helped me reflect on what I want to be, how I want to live, and how I can spend more time with the people I love. This past week I took concrete steps, ACTIONS, toward manifesting that. It is one thing to sit up and take notice, and another thing entirely to take action, so, I did that, for me and my life. 
And then it's the 4th of July. No 5K races, no big barbecues, no fireworks displays, and all of the hard things going on - the racism, the injustice, the rioting and protests. These hard things have helped me reflect on the kind of country I want to live in. I have faith that American people are good and that real, positive change will happen as we move from protests to policy. I have faith that our tomorrows will be better than our todays. I still love my broken, hurting, hopeful country. We did go to our friends' house for a very small bbq birthday dinner. It is exactly what I wanted to do and how we wanted our life to look, in that moment. And though there was no fireworks display to go to, there were constant booms of giant shells exploding all around, so it felt like Independence Day. 

Driving home from their house, I was amazed by the endless shimmer of sparks across the horizon beneath the full moon. It was as if all the municipalities gave the residents their unused big fireworks to shoot off, since they couldn't do the central displays. Constant BIG, beautiful bursts blanketing the city as the radio blared the latest Airborne Toxic Event song... yes, Denver, and all of Colorado, "Come on, out with it." The booms of the rockets and shells continued at least until I fell asleep. 

So here we are the day after, and just when you think 2020 can't get any more weird, Kanye West announces he's running for President of the United States, with the full support of Elon Musk. My first reaction is not laughter at all as I ask Mr. Steak Dinner "What does it say about our country that I would consider this as a viable option over either Biden or Trump?" [Note I said consider, not commit, nor endorse.] I suppose it says GOD BLESS AMERICA, and you just gotta keep the faith. (Heaven help us.)