ouch

You know that feeling you get when you look online at Facebook and see that so-and-so was visiting your town and you realize they didn't call you?  Or how about when you see a photo of three of your good friends laughing together, attending a show you wanted to see, and wonder why you weren't asked to join them?  Or when you are out at lunch with a friend and they tell you all about the fun they had seeing the whole gang at the party last weekend and ask why you weren't there and all you can say is "No one told me about it."

For me, the reaction to all of the above is ouch. I wish I weren't so sensitive. And I wish I had better immediate introspection, such as

Liz, you haven't called that person, not even on their birthday, in over three years.

Liz, you bailed on the last two shows with that group because of work/biking/whatever.

Liz, you WERE invited to that party but forgot about it.

Ummmmmmmmmm.... apparently I'm a terrible friend. OUCH. More like OW OW OW OW OW OWWWW OUCH!!!  This pain is crazy, make it STOP!!!!!! But then...

The truth is, I wish I could be a great friend to everyone. I really do. If you've ever been in my life for more than a two-month period, it means I really, really like you - and I probably still do, and I probably resent that I can't be a great friend to you now because I liked you so much. I probably miss you. A lot. I probably think of you incredibly often, like when I see a glittery scarf or a picture of a rowing shell or a piece of cheesecake or a Waffle House sign or Oliver Hudson (he's on Nashville now, which I watch, which I KNOW you would be at my house watching with me, The OC style, every week if we were living in the same town!) And I think of you WHENEVER I drink a Coca Cola product whether it has your name on it or not. And while I'm building my table, I am thinking about you and wishing I could see you more often. Every concert I'm wishing you were there dancing, too. I light candles at my house because you did it and I loved it so I do it too, and I miss you! Whenever I see my kitchen knives, I think of how you hid one under the couch in case crazy ex boyfriend got a little too crazy and showed up. And so many millions of every day other things make me think of you. So. Many. Miracles. So. Much. Missing.

So, yeah, sometimes seeing pictures or hearing stories about things you are doing in your life makes me sad that I'm not part of it anymore. But I'm happy to see you are having a good time, and I love watching your kids grow up because without Facebook that probably wouldn't happen at all. I hope you know that if you were ever on My Island before, you've still got a beach chair available there any time you want to come back and catch up. And on My Island from now on I'll probably be on Facebook less so that I can start calling you and planning trips to see you, so that I can tell you how I rode my bike in the freezing rain and it made me think of that time we were in the boat at Head of the Connecticut getting hypothermia the same way! And then I'm going to call my fellow bike riders and suggest we meet again where we can STAY DRY and get to know each other a little more, because, hey, they're on My Island now!

And just like that, no more ouch. Thanks for being one of my miracles.