what comes next...

When I decided to leave my full-time job in December, the first thing everyone asked is "What will you be doing?" My truthful answer was I needed some time to re-group my life and take care of my family, before moving on to something else. We had planned for me to take time off to do this when I left the prior job three years ago, but this full-time job opportunity appeared and was too good to pass up. Three years later, it was still a good job, but not the job for me and the time was right for me to take the break I'd intended. 

I gave my employer six weeks notice. As I got closer to my departure date, the questions about my next steps really started coming up. They were becoming a little more intrusive, and I thought I needed a better answer to give to other people. So I said (and meant) that I was exploring starting my own operation (I was doing this at the time) but that I wanted to leave January and February open to decompress and catch up on my non-work life before I made any career moves or decisions. I also scheduled time to visit FL to help my mom transition as full-time caregiver to my grandma (her mom), and visit other family I had missed seeing over the past decade. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do after I took my little break from working full-time, but I knew I was going to turn toward doing things I love. 

Suddenly it was the middle of March, and I was busier than I had ever been, in a good way, in a life has more meaning way.  I was spending quality time with more friends and family. I read. I took a class that taught me how to narrate and produce audiobooks. I skied solo on weekdays and with Mr. Blueberry Pancakes on weekends. We reconnected with friends along Highway 82 and spent Easter on Aspen mountain with some of them. I had taken on a part-time job as a Coach for WW (Weight Watchers) and while it paid very little, it was a lot of fun and far more rewarding than I expected.

My health really improved. I started running more frequently and had been lifting weights regularly since January, and hadn't stopped either. I slept well. My weight was back to normal. I rejoined the Lighthouse Writer's Workshop and signed up to volunteer for their literary festival in the summer. I started outlining a thing I'd like to write. I told DH and a couple friends that I'd really like to put some time toward writing, and they were super supportive. 

And then I blinked and it was May. More family time in Colorado. A return to hiking. DH did a mountain bike relay race and we had a great camping weekend with cousins. My high school mentee was coming up on graduation. I was able to go back to FL to take care of my mom and grandma for two and a half weeks, following my mom's surgery. Again with the questions... was I looking for a job? No, I had one with WW, for now. Was I going to start consulting? I didn't know. I also didn't take on any audiobook contracts, because I was taking care of my mom and grandma and needed to be present for that full-time job, not worrying about other outside work. But while I was in Florida, what I really wanted my next steps for 'outside work' to be, was becoming clear. 

Then it was June, and I'm back in Colorado, volunteering at Lit Fest when it clicked. It was OK that I didn't have all the answers as to how this was all going to play out or how I would be successful, but I knew that I wanted to write, and that I did have to start writing and just keep the faith that it will work out better than I could ever have imagined. So, I tightened up that outline and got to work. The first day I wrote, I got about 1500 words and one round of tears... but at least I had started to 'spill the mess.' It's not an easy project, and Writing A Thing is a lot less romantic than you think it is, but despite the angst, it is also rewarding and I am very happy to be doing it. And since I started, the universe has done nothing but give me signs that I am heading in the right direction, so I will keep going. 

So that's what comes next, a completed first draft. I am also still spending quality time talking to or doing things with people I love. I'm taking good care of me and my family, working as a WW Coach, and lifting/biking/running/being active regularly. Me and DH are planning more travel, exploring fun things like Belgium, returning to Oktoberfest, and hiking some or all of the trail around Mont Blanc (none of this until next year or the year after, but at least it's on our radar.) I may pick up another student in the mentoring program at East High School this fall. My time is my choice and I am choosing to spend in a way that is meaningful to me. All of THIS is also NOW and part of what comes NEXT... so, here we go. :)

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PS - Let me just call out Mr. Blueberry Pancakes right now, for being the SAINT that he is. In the words of my grandma while I was in FL in May: "Oh, you should meet her husband, he's really a nice, wonderful man. He's so patient. Well, you have to be, with That One." ["That One" is yours truly. Thanks, Grandma.] But Mr. BP has been supportive the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME. He's not perfect, and neither am I, but the bottom line is we support each other, and I am so, so grateful that he is who he is, and I don't take it for granted what a blessing he is to me.