God Bless Texas

I got a speeding ticket (my first ever) on my road trip to Austin last month.

So the way Texas works is that you have to call in before your "Court Date" which is specified on your citation. You do not have to physically be in the court, you just make the call to arrange your method of payment - mine was $150, all in. Unless I called after my court date. Then the payment more than doubled...

Of course, At 5PM on my court date, I remembered I needed to call the courthouse in EBF, Texas. This sweet lady on the other end of the line picked up - thank goodness they were not closed! Really, this woman could not have been nicer if she tried. I think she was made of honey and sugar crystals, dripping with maple syrup and a southern accent.

I told Miss Sugar why I was calling, and she asked for the ticket number. I waited while she pulled it up - and then she says "well, Hun, do you want this to be on or off your record?"

Come again?

"Uh, off, preferably." Duh. Who says they want a moving violation to stay on their record?

"Well OK, here's what ya do. You pay an extra for-ty dollars and we dee-fer the charge for 60 days, at which time we run your record and if you have no other violations we don't report it, it's just like it never happened. How's that?"

What is this?! Is this legal? Of course it's legal, it's Texas! They invented shit like this.

Sure thing you can have my $40 of hush money, State of Texas. You may have questionable morals but hell, you saved me $200 in higher insurance costs - so God Bless you!