it IS about the bike

So it seems that every six months I get on my bike and ride lots of hills for fun. Last time it was for the LiveStrong ride in Austin, back in October. That was actually the last time I was on my bike until today. I can guarantee it will be less than 6 months before I'm on the bike the next time, though.

The thing is, I really didn't want to ride my bike this past year. I rode it a lot in the ATL up until last March (it's warmer there, which means you can ride pretty much all year). Then I stopped. I did one ride when I moved to Denver, but I was really stressed out with moving and people and I was working so much, I just "couldn't find the time" - even though I was planning on riding 47 miles in Texas in October on a course mapped out by Lance Armstrong.

I had signed up for LiveStrong because The Rev wanted me to. And honestly, I'd wanted to do that ride ever since it started, I just never had anyone say "Hey, I'm doing the ride, it's for cancer, and I lost my lung to cancer so you're coming with me in case I can't finish it." I am truly happy that The Rev suggested it, it was a great experience and I really enjoyed the time I spent with her (and my other friends who just happened to be doing it!) I'm sure the actual ride would have been far more enjoyable if I had done ANY training for it, but I finished and - live and learn - I won't repeat that mistake.

Anyhow. The God's honest truth is - there's always an excuse not to do something. I have been making excuses for a year why I didn't want to ride my bike. But the real reason is that it broke my heart to be on my bike. My dad rode his bike 10 miles every day. EVERY DAY up until the day he died. And every time I got on my bike since he died, I cried. It was Pavlovian. So I quit riding. I was sick of crying and I didn't need to go do something that was guaranteed to bring on the tears.

But guess what? Today I didn't cry. It was a great ride and I surprised myself that I could do 20 miles of hills! I know I'll keep riding, much more frequently. I'm sure there will still be days I do cry on the bike. But I just miss my dad. I'm human, after all.